It is a paradox that the more control of your life you give to God, the more free you become.
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
John 8:36
The older I get, the more I realize how futile it is to get upset or worry about things outside of my control.
Do you have that problem? I used to waste tons of energy getting upset or worrying about all kinds of things. I don’t remember when I realized I didn’t have to do that, but living without getting upset or worrying about things beyond my control has enormously impacted my life.
For instance, I used to fret about what the weather might be like on the day of something important I had planned. Now, who can control the weather? I certainly can’t! So, I learned to stop agonizing about it and to have a Plan B in place if the weather disrupted my Plan A. What freedom I feel now! I do check to see what the weather might be on the day of my important event and plan accordingly. And then I don’t give it another thought because there is no way I can control the weather by worrying about it every moment. As a result, I have more energy and less stress!
How did I develop the habit of getting upset or worrying in the first place?
Somewhere along the line in my growing-up years, I learned to believe that if I stopped being upset about something, then what I was upset about would be forgotten by others, and a resolution would never come. So, I held on to that sore feeling to remind others that something that hadn’t been resolved still bothered me. Thinking back, my staying upset didn’t make any difference in addressing the situation about which I was upset. I hadn’t learned how to take the initiative to resolve issues until well into my adulthood, so there I remained—upset and worried that things would never be resolved.
It drained my energy and well-being to be distressed about situations and feel helpless to do anything about them. As time passed, I had to learn to let things go over which I had no control. I also needed to learn, which I did later in life, to address situations as they arise and resolve them as best as possible.
There are many things in life beyond our control that can bother us.
Things are happening within our government that concern me but are beyond my control. I know there are avenues of communication I can take—writing to my representatives, attending community meetings, voting, etc.—but I am losing hope that any of that will make a difference. I’m not throwing in the towel, but I’m admitting it’s beyond my control right now. So, what do I do? Ignore it? No, I want to stay aware of what’s going on. Still, instead of getting upset or worrying about it, my hope is in God, who ultimately is in control. I ask, “I wonder what God will do about this?” Then I let it go, having faith that God will act. If I start to get concerned again, I pray while remembering that God is in control, and I don’t have to worry about it. Reciting Psalm 23, “The Lord is my Shepherd…etc.” helps me too!
It’s best not to fret about things you can’t control.
What’s really hard is letting things go which remain unresolved.
This one is tough, and it took me a while to figure it out. It often involves other people, and boy, did I ever have a tough time learning that you cannot control other people!
Once, I had a severe argument with someone close to me. As a result, she withdrew and refused to speak to me. I was desperate to resolve this issue, as the whole situation pained me terribly, and I wanted it settled and over. I pursued her, but she was resolute in not speaking to me. I agonized, “How can we resolve this if she doesn’t speak to me?” Ultimately, I realized that she would come to me when she wanted this situation resolved. I had to leave the ball in her court and wait for her to act. The hardest part was the realization that she may never want the situation resolved and would never come to me to discuss it. I had to accept that reality.
Have you ever been there? It is one of the most painful things to do when it involves someone in your life you genuinely care about. But, with God’s help, I left it in His hands and completely let it go. I stopped trying to contact her and eventually stopped thinking about it all the time. Miraculously, I was free from the whole situation and had peace with the reality that it might never be resolved. For me, that really was a miracle!
To be set free from being upset and worrying is what we want. It is worth the initial effort because the energy, well-being, and peace that replaces the upsetness and worrying is fantastic!
There is a happy ending to the story.
It took a very long time of waiting—almost a year—but one day, she told me that she wanted to talk about what happened and resolve the issue. The rift between us was so deep that she required someone she trusted to be a mediator, but I didn’t mind that. I was so glad she reached out, and we were communicating again! With the mediator present, a very fruitful discussion ensued, and the situation was resolved to the satisfaction of both of us.
That was perhaps my ultimate lesson about letting things go and not staying upset or worried.
As I stated initially, learning to do that has enormously impacted my life. It’s all a choice—you can let it go, realizing it’s beyond your control, and experience freedom, energy, and peace, or you can stay upset or worried with the resulting stress and weariness.
I choose freedom, energy, and peace!
