WHAT’S IN A MINDSET?

If you believe you can’t, you won’t.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:13

In my last post, “It’s Good to Have Goals,” we talked about having goals.  This post will look at how our mindset affects our goals.

Just what is a mindset?  A definition I found is that a mindset is an established set of attitudes.  It influences how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation and plays a part in how you cope with challenges.  Your mindset is pivotal in what you want and whether you achieve it.  That’s why it’s essential to understand mindsets when setting and accomplishing goals.

I’ve learned that there are two basic mindsets:  fixed and growth. 

A fixed mindset tends to believe that things can’t be changed (“that’s just the way I am,” or “that’s just the way things are”).  A person with a fixed mindset is likelier to see obstacles, give up, or perhaps not even try.

A growth mindset tends to believe that things can change if you work at it (“I am a work in progress”).  A person with a growth mindset sees opportunities to learn and grow and perseveres in trying to change.

Where do mindsets come from?

Parents are the most responsible for developing mindsets in their children, but other influential people in the child’s life can also have an effect.  I remember learning just how much influence my words had in developing a mindset in my son when he was only four years old.  When he couldn’t find something, like one of his toys, he would come to me and say, “Mommy, I can’t find my toy.”  I would ask him, “Have you looked for it?”  “Yes, but I can’t find it.”  Usually, I would stop what I was doing and help him look, and the missing item was almost always right in plain sight.  So, annoyed, I would inevitably tell him, “You sure aren’t a very good looker, are you?”

Then one day, I asked for his help finding an item I had misplaced.  He responded, “I won’t be able to find it.  I’m not a very good looker.”  And I realized I had planted a thought in his mind that it wouldn’t matter if he looked for something—he would never find it.  That taught me a lesson to be careful about the words I spoke to my children, especially regarding their abilities.

Personalities can also have an impact on mindsets. 

Some personalities are more prone to negativity, and some to optimism.  Not that having a particular nature (for instance, extrovert or introvert) guarantees a certain mindset—it’s just more susceptible to reacting positively or negatively.  If that behavior is reinforced in any way, a mindset will develop.

Stereotypes will also contribute to a particular mindset.  For example, women are always emotional, and men are always stoic, or men make good bosses and women make good secretaries.  I’m sure many of us have experienced gender stereotypes, which contribute to a fixed mindset.

The good news is that mindsets can be changed.

Our brains have a remarkable ability to change and grow.  If we have a fixed or negative mindset, there are things we can do to change direction.

The brain has pathways of thought.  Grooves are created when specific thoughts are repeated.  After a time, the thoughts automatically move through these grooves without you having to consciously think about it.  That is how habits are formed. 

But we can change the pathways of our thoughts.  I learned when I was in therapy that I needed to change my negative thinking about myself and replace it with positive thinking.  Our habitual, automatic thoughts are pretty slippery and challenging to consciously catch because we’ve been thinking about them for so long.  But if we take time to identify that negative thought (“I’ll never be able to do this”) with the truth or a positive thought (“I know I can do this if I keep trying”), eventually, that thought pathway in our brain changes and the automatic negative thought turns into an automatic positive thought.  Make sense?

My husband always used to complain that our jigsaw puzzles were missing pieces.

We’d be working on a jigsaw puzzle together, and he would say a piece was missing because he’d been looking for it for a long time and just couldn’t find it.  I told him he would never find it if he kept telling himself it was missing.  I suggested he try saying instead, “That puzzle piece is here somewhere, and I will find it.”  And lo and behold, he suddenly started finding all those “missing” pieces!

I had a personal trainer who never let me say, “I can’t do this,” when asking me to perform an exercise.  He’d tell me to say instead, “I’m finding it difficult to perform this particular exercise, but I’ll get it.”  And it really made a difference in my ability to perform the exercise successfully. 

And now, you can see why it’s essential to understand what kind of mindset you have when setting your goals.

But a growth mindset of optimism and resilience isn’t just for helping you reach your goals.  It can also benefit your life in the long run.  A positive mindset can improve your quality of life, health, and well-being.  It can increase your lifespan, give you a better ability to cope with stress, and even give you greater resistance to the common cold.

A positive mindset is not just smiling and looking cheerful while ignoring or avoiding bad things.

It’s an honest perspective on life and a tendency to focus on all that is good.  It’s seeing the best in others, even positively viewing yourself and your abilities.  It focuses on the positive and expects positive results.

It’s fair to say that even negative thinking has its place—it allows you to be aware of problems, vulnerabilities, and dangers.  I once chaired a committee where there was one highly negative person.  She did nothing but bring up every possible problem and thing that could go wrong.  Everyone dreaded when she started to speak because they knew she would be very negative.  But I realized that she could spot problems and trouble areas that many of us were overlooking.  I began to appreciate her, and I said so.  I would tell her, “Thank you, Josephine (not her real name), for pointing out those issues.  We need to be aware of that.”  In time, her negativity softened, and she began pointing out problems more pleasantly!

Take time to determine what type of mindset you have as we enter 2023.

Is it a fixed mindset or a growth mindset?  See if you can identify the negative thoughts that automatically run through your brain and replace them with positive, encouraging thoughts.

The more you tell yourself you can do it, the more you will succeed!