SLIPPERY THOUGHTS, PART 1

Change the way you see things, and the things you see will change.

Proverbs 23:7

“For as a man thinks within himself, so is he.”

Have you ever suddenly started having a sad or anxious feeling and don’t know why? 

You might hear or see something, and unexpectedly there’s that feeling.  You can’t shake it, and it begins to affect how you think and behave. 

What you’re responding to is an automatic thought.

Automatic thoughts can be positive or negative.

In my last post, “What’s in a Mindset,” I mentioned automatic thoughts.  The brain has pathways of thought.  Grooves are created when specific thoughts are repeated.  After a time, the thoughts automatically move through these grooves without you having to consciously think about it.  A thought just pops up or flashes in your mind, usually triggered by an action or event.

An example of an automatic thought would be you’re driving your car, and it starts raining very hard.  You reach to turn on the windshield wipers, and you slow down to drive more cautiously.  You probably didn’t even think about your actions; you just automatically did them.  That’s an automatic positive thought, which is beneficial, and we have many of those while living each day.

The automatic thought I described at the beginning of this post is negative because it made you sad or anxious.  It resulted from having thought repeatedly about something that is irrational, hurtful, unhelpful, and probably not true.

Automatic negative thoughts are quick and slippery and occur before we know it. 

We tend to believe the thoughts that pop into our minds are true.  When we think these slippery automatic negative thoughts are true without checking their accuracy, they will quickly take over our mental space.  These thoughts can get out of control and impact our mood, actions, or even our ability to function.  We end up feeling anxious, hurt, embarrassed, unloved, unimportant, or totally rejected by everyone around us. 

You see how unchecked negative thoughts can escalate and make us miserable; most of the time, we’re not even sure why.

Here’s an example of what can happen with an unchecked automatic negative thought:

You’re sitting in a meeting and notice someone frowning in your direction.  You automatically think you must have said or done something to make this person angry with you.  You start to feel very anxious, wondering what it was you did.  You’re uncomfortable in her presence and won’t make eye contact with her.  Your behavior at the meeting changes:  you become quiet and no longer interact with others.  When the meeting ends, you leave quickly, trying to avoid contact with the person who frowned at you.  You spend the rest of the day brooding about why this person is angry with you, and slowly, you develop resentment toward her.  You might even talk about her unfavorably with someone else.

But did she frown at you?  How do you know you’re even responsible for her frown?

The example I gave above is me.  That’s how I used to be all the time.

There was a time in my life when I was broken emotionally.  Not crazy or anything like that—just very insecure, afraid, and quite down on myself.  I constantly struggled to be positive and upbeat, and I thought that was normal.  I thought everyone struggled in that way.  I thought everyone was hiding how they really felt.

I was suffering from automatic negative thinking, but I had no idea I was doing that, nor was I aware that that type of behavior existed.  What was causing my behavior was consistent messages I’d received since childhood from family members—who, by the way, had no idea that by speaking to me that way, they were crushing my spirit.  It was customary in my family to be critical of one another and never to praise.  I’m sure I engaged in it too.  Messages of “you’re so stupid,” “you’re dumb,” “you idiot,” “you can’t do anything right,” “no one wants to be with you,” “get out of here,” “I can’t stand you,” “you disgust me,” and in my case, “you’re too fat.”  There was much more, but you get the idea.

Over time, these negative messages take root and become your identity.

That’s why most of my early life, I was terrified that people would reject me if they knew how horrible I really was; thus, I wore a mask of cheerfulness.  It was hard to constantly keep that mask in place, so as a young adult, I started to drink to help hold that mask up.  I thought that was the solution to staying cheerful, but I was very wrong!

Identifying my slippery, negative thoughts helped save me.

In my next post, I’ll tell you about the struggle, hitting bottom, and how God used others to rescue me from the pit I had fallen into.  I hope you will join me next week!