God made you just the way you are, and He loves you just the way you are.
“God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.”
Genesis 1:31
In my last blog, “I Am Woman, Part 1,” I told you of my feelings of misogyny, the hatred of women, and everything related to women.
I also told you of God bringing me face-to-face with my own feelings of self-hatred and how my heart was broken over realizing that I hated myself as a woman. I grieved over how I despised myself, whom a loving God had created, blessed, and declared good.
I confessed my sin of self-hatred right then and asked God to forgive me. I instantly felt flooded with His forgiving love and heard Him speak right to my heart, “Jean, I have always loved you. I have never despised you. You are good, and I love you just how you are.”
Those were the words my heart had always longed to hear. I felt as if I had been set free, as if a massive hindrance in my life was suddenly gone, and the path of life was clear for me to travel.
An astonishing transformation took place in my life following that revelation.
The changes didn’t occur overnight. Once I stopped hating myself, it took a little while for God to re-orient my thinking. I remember going window shopping with a friend. As we gazed at the display in a women’s clothing store window, she pointed out various outfits, saying, “Now that one is really me. And that one is so Barbara!” As I viewed the various outfits, I realized I had no idea which outfit “was me.”
For a long time, I felt like a blank, trying to find out what kind of woman I was. But as I agreed with God that how He had created me was good, He took me down a healing path that showed me who I was, the woman He created me to be.
I soon began noticing woman-type things with growing interest.
I became an Avon representative (!!) and tried out varying styles of makeup and jewelry. I always put on some lipstick if I was going out. The most surprising change for me was my interest in how my fingernails looked! I started letting my nails grow and loved sampling dozens of nail polish colors. I even had a pedicure! Letting someone clean, pamper, and polish my toes had always been the furthest thing from my mind. Now I absolutely love it! My taste in clothes gravitated toward more color in my wardrobe, more dresses, and more feminine styles.
Even the décor in our home took on a whole new feel and look. We were doing some renovation (like God was doing in me), and we got all new windows. They were big and filled our dark home with light. I put lace curtains on them! Wallpaper had adorable little flowers on it. Walls were painted lovely pastels. The rooms felt cozy, with charming touches all around. Seeing what was happening, my sons begged me to let them decorate their rooms so I wouldn’t make them so “girly.”
Previously, I had no particular taste, just neutral and bland.
One day, as I was sitting in our living room, looking around and thanking God for our attractive home and thanking Him for all he’d done for me, it hit me that my home now reflected the true me! Where before it had been dark, closed, and non-descript—like how I was—it was now light, open, and welcoming—like how I am!
Claiming my womanhood did not turn me into an airhead.
My family of origin tended not to take women seriously. Women’s opinions were considered meaningless and unimportant, easily dismissed. Therefore, I grew up thinking that what I thought didn’t matter.
But something I learned about myself as God revealed more of the true me was that I am smart—and strong! Not at all like I believed women to be. God gave me tenderness and compassion and a desire to nurture, but He also gave me a sound mind and a strong will, a decisive nature, and leadership qualities. This is how He made me; it is good—it’s not a mistake. I’d always tried to hide my strong personality and deny who I was. But my strong personality was not to be feared or despised by others or me. It was to be embraced.
These changes in me have had a good, healthy impact on my family.
It has helped my marriage because I can better relate to my husband as a woman in our partnership. Being sure in my role (supportive and equal, not dominant) has helped my husband become a better man and husband. It has also helped my sons realize the difference between male and female and that it is good.
In fact, the healing God has done in me has been helping my sons to heal as well. They are the adult children of an alcoholic and have their own set of problems to overcome. But as surely as I would have passed on my disease and problems to them, I now pass on my healing. Because I was set free, my sons were set free. Of course, they must walk out their own healing, but God is a redeemer of lives, and we can count on Him to follow through.
I realize that at this point in time, our culture is confused about what a woman is, and there is much controversy about gender.
I also realize that the things I have stated here may cause disagreement. But what I have written is the truth. I believe God intentionally created me as a female, living a female role, and He’s had a plan for my life right from the beginning. I am pleased to align with God’s intentions for me—His plan is always best! And I pray that if you are confused about who you are, you will go to the Source, the Lord God who created you to be genuinely you! With great love and tenderness, He will show you the truth about yourself, and it is good!
