You cannot become what you need to be by remaining the way you are.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: the old has gone, the new has come!”
2 Corinthians 5:17
In my last two blog posts, “Slippery Thoughts, Parts 1 and 2,” I wrote of automatic negative thoughts and how they can impact our mood, actions, or even our ability to function.
They’re called slippery because we’re unaware we’re even having these negative thoughts. They’re deeply ingrained in us and pop up automatically, usually triggered by an event or action. They can quickly take over our mental space, and we end up feeling anxious, hurt, embarrassed, unloved, unimportant, or totally rejected by everyone around us. We’re miserable, and most of the time, we’re not even sure why.
I shared with you how my automatic negative thoughts were placed there by family members in my growing-up years. I believed the things said about me—even though they weren’t true—and left unchecked, they took root and became my identity. They made me feel so awful that eventually, I drank to cover up the feelings they gave me. The story of my journey to sobriety is in “Slippery Thoughts, Part 2.” I hope you will read it.
As I left you at the end of Part 2, I had just been “rescued” through an impromptu intervention by dear friends who cared about what was happening to me.
I had been able to stop drinking cold turkey through the grace of God when I came to realize the truth about my being an alcoholic. I knew I could never have another drink because I was addicted to alcohol, but I did not seek any outside help. I willed myself not to drink anymore, but the reason for my drinking—the automatic negative thoughts—was still there. But I didn’t know it. That’s the trouble with those slippery thoughts—you don’t know you have them, but they’re there. And mine were still there, tormenting me.
My friends saw me sinking into a profound depression, pursued me, and convinced me that my problems would not improve unless I sought professional help.
I agreed to see a counselor to help me through this.
You see, I thought that once I stopped drinking, my problems were over because drinking was the problem, right? But God showed me that for me to indeed be well and whole, I would have to stop drinking and face what the drinking was covering and find out where it all came from, its root.
This is scary, as you don’t know what you’ll come up with. After all, I was hiding from these painful feelings—I didn’t want to go looking for them and have them hit me full blast. What if I couldn’t handle it? However, the counselor assured me it was not only possible to do, but once I faced my feelings, I would be set free.
I liked the idea of being free from fear and pain, so I submitted to the counselor’s instructions.
That was when I learned about slippery thoughts. The counselor explained that I would have to try to catch what I was thinking when an unpleasant feeling was triggered. I’ll use the example I gave in “Slippery Thoughts, Part 1” of my feeling anxious and uncomfortable when I thought a co-worker frowned at me. The counselor asked me what I thought when I saw her frown at me? I said I thought she was mad at me. He told me to write that down. He asked, “Then what did you think?” I answered, “I wondered what I did to make her mad.” He had me write that down too. He asked again, “Then what did you think?” He was drilling down into my thought process and told me to keep going. I told him I was always making people mad. He said, “Write that down. And go on—answer honestly.” I said, “I’m always making people mad, and then they don’t like me. Nobody likes me because I behave badly. No one wants to be with me.”
I couldn’t believe what I had just said about what I was thinking. I wrote all that down and read it back to myself. It sounded pretty pathetic: “She’s mad at me. What did I do to make her mad? I’m always making people mad, and then they don’t like me. Nobody likes me because I behave badly. No one wants to be with me.” Whew! All those slippery thoughts in just a few seconds, just because a co-worker looked my way with a frown.
The counselor asked me, “Now, do you think all those things are true? They’re not! First, you have no idea why she was frowning. Her stomach could have been upset, for all you know. Second, since you don’t know why she was frowning, how could you possibly know that you made her mad? Also, it’s an exaggeration to say that you’re always making people mad. You can’t possibly always be making people mad. It’s also an exaggeration that nobody likes you, and no one wants to be with you. These things are just not true! You’re feeding yourself a regular diet of false thinking!”
He showed me that each of those slippery thoughts could be replaced with the truth, which then took away their power.
He gave me the assignment to write down exactly what I thought whenever I felt anxious, hurt, or angry. I carried a notebook around to catch these thoughts precisely when they occurred. Surprisingly, I was not afraid to be honest about my thoughts. As I went through the process, almost all of them boiled down to “No one cares about me. No one wants me.” That’s what I was always thinking, those exaggerated, untrue thoughts. No wonder I quickly felt hurt and angry in so many situations. No wonder I thought I had to wear a mask. My automatic slippery thoughts were that of being unloved and unwanted.
As a result of uncovering these slippery thoughts, I learned a new way of thinking.
I began confronting every automatic negative thought with the truth:
Negative thought: “You’re so stupid.”
Truth: “I am not stupid. I am an intelligent, competent person.”
Negative thought: “You can’t do anything right.”
Truth: “I sometimes make mistakes, but I can do most things very well.”
Negative thought: “No one wants you.”
Truth: “My husband wants me. My sons want me. My grandkids want me. My friends want me.”
It’s a simple process, but it reaps huge dividends. Once the slippery thoughts are identified and replaced with the truth, it’s incredible how they begin to fade and lose their power. And eventually, they don’t even bother to pop up anymore. The truth overtakes the lies, and your brain settles into new pathways of healthier thought!
There is much the Bible teaches about how we think that falls in line with what the counselor taught me.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
The devil has established strongholds in our negative thoughts. He is quite comfortable there, hiding in our wounds, egging us on to keep thinking bad things about ourselves, and keeping us from trusting God. That is just the opposite of what Jesus wants us to do. He wants us to love ourselves, embrace and appreciate who He created us to be, and trust God to take care of us. So, taking our negative thoughts captive to obedience to Christ is what we’re doing when we stop to capture the bad things we’ve been automatically thinking about ourselves.
The Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8 precisely what we should think about:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Replacing the devil’s lies with the truth from God’s Word guarantees you will have good, healthy thinking, and your behavior and actions will reflect that. You will be free from anxiety, hurt feelings, and anger because you will know how to capture your negative thoughts and replace them with the truth.
Remember the co-worker who looked in my direction with a frown on her face? Well, I never found out if that frown was directed at or caused by me. But another time, in a different situation, she was deliberately rude to me, and I knew it was because of something I had done. I felt a pang of hurt from her behavior, but before I let it overtake me, I spoke the truth to myself: “I understand that she is acting rudely toward me because of something I did. But what I did was not her concern, and it was not intended to upset her. It would be nice if she were to act pleasantly toward me, and we could resolve our differences. However, I am not responsible for her behavior. I am only responsible for mine, and I choose to do my best in this situation.” Then I let it go!
It is amazing how changing your thinking changes you!
Catching those slippery negative thoughts and habitually replacing them with the truth will change your life. I have been doing this for over thirty years, and it is a way of life for me now. I am a different person than I was—no more fear, hurt feelings, and anger eating away at me. When situations occur, I deal with my thoughts immediately. And with God’s guidance from His Word, I can have peace and live freely, unencumbered by anyone else’s thoughts or actions.
Thank you for letting me tell my story. We all have a story, and by sharing, we help one another. I pray with all my heart that God will use my story to help someone in need today.
